Claire Richardson Writer

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The absolutely true adventures of Max and Gus – The blind, geriatric, incontinent little bastards – Part 2

The absolutely true adventures of Max and Gus – The blind, geriatric, incontinent little bastards – Part 2
Working on the computer - HELPING!

I never dreamed that extending a limb in bed to connect with a cold log of cat poo was something I would get used to, but in the small hours of this morning when I did exactly that, my first thought was no longer "Holy crap get me the #$%* out of here!" I had been lying on one side of the bed facing that side, and for whatever reason the little bastards like to sleep only the way you are facing. So they, and Max's little presents, were contained to a small part at the edge of the bed. I'm not proud of this, but it was BLOODY cold this morning, this 'special gift' occurred in the very small hours and I thought, "Maybe I can snooze a couple of more hours on the WHOLE other side of the bed that remains poo free?"

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The absolutely true adventures of Max and Gus – The blind, geriatric, incontinent little bastards – Part 1

The absolutely true adventures of Max and Gus – The blind, geriatric, incontinent little bastards – Part 1
Max & Gus sausage roll

It all seemed to be going fine. Everyone was in and SEEMED to be settling down, when all of a sudden it was ON! Apparently this was the time for an all out, under the covers brawl, with some signature screeches before one of these tiny panthers decided to clamp his teeth down on my boob and just not let go. Hmmmmmmmm. I'm not sure how many of you have seen a cat's fangs clamped down on your boob, or anything that close to your face before, but their vicious fangs are as big as skyscrapers, and as creepy as Freddy Kruger's glove.

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78-year-old ‘Knight Rider’ survives horrific bout of COVID19

78-year-old ‘Knight Rider’ survives horrific bout of COVID19
78 year old Mick survives COVID19

Michael Knight, or Mick as his mates call him, is a 78 year old who has suffered from asbestosis for the past 35 years, has arthritis in most of his joints he has to take pain killers for, and recently survived a horrendous, protracted, and simultaneous bout of COVID19 AND pneumonia. If you think this coronavirus is just another flu; you need to hear Mick’s story. If you are curious about what it is like to get COVID19 and what you should do if you, or someone you know gets it; you need to hear Mick’s story. If you are one of those people who doesn’t think they need to abide by social distancing norms; Mick says you’re a “f*cking idiot.”

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Quarantine, kids, and Groundhog Day

Quarantine, kids, and Groundhog Day
Groundhog in Punxsutawney, Pennsylvania, USA

“We never get to see Lauren! Can we stop and see Lauren? I miss my friends!” exclaimed Lydia, Deana’s five-and-a-half-year-old daughter as they were walking past Lauren’s home with her four-year-old sister, Emilee. Deana’s heart was breaking. How could she explain to her five-year-old that although Lauren was likely just inside that house, she couldn’t go and see her because they were under quarantine for the coronavirus? She got down on one knee to get closer to them, and held their hands.

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OH the glamour of sailing!

OH the glamour of sailing!
Classic old wooden 49 foot yacht for our adventure

Most of us made it back to the boat, but one critical player did not show up until 11.30am Sunday morning. All of a sudden the weather wasn’t looking as rosy as we had been lead to believe it would be. The clouds were angry, about to spew rain, and the harbour decided it would respond to the conditions with excessive choppiness. But bugger it! It was time to go if we were going to make our Wednesday deadline!

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The curious case of the missing pug

The curious case of the missing pug
Representative image of the pug. The identity of the pug is changed to protect the guilty. Photo by Colin Horn on Unsplash

She arrived and looked with trepidation over at the scooter, but there was no pug. That was unusual. The pug was always there in the same spot. She saw Mr Roy, a tenant from the same building, and asked him where the dog was. "Dog gone! Dog gone!" He said.

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